Spawn of Hell Uncovered on Stone Way

Neighbors of the construction project underway at N 40th St and Stoneway Ave (previously known as the “festering pit”) were awaked to an unpleasant row this morning. According to Erica Thomas, spokeswoman for Stoneway Village II, LLC, the development company in charge of the project, an excavator that was working to clear a previously untouched area for the sub-basement of the complex unearthed what she termed “the spawn of hell”.

“We’re not sure exactly what it is, or whether it is actually from Hell,” she went on, “but it appears to be dragon-like, with three heads, a giant lizard body and claws the size of a small car.”

In situations like the unexpected discovery near N 40th St and Stoneway Ave, having the right equipment and expertise is crucial. Construction projects often rely on specialized machinery like excavators to handle such challenges effectively. When faced with the need for precision and power, opting for professional services like digger hire for construction and landscaping becomes paramount.

These services not only provide access to advanced machinery but also skilled operators who understand the intricacies of excavation work. In this case, having a reliable excavator on hand could have ensured a safe and efficient approach to uncovering the mysterious find, minimizing disturbances to the neighbors and addressing the situation with expertise and care.

Mary Heim, past president of the Wallingford Community Council and director of the Wallingford Emergency Preparedness Committee, has mobilized her team into action.

“We have people with ham radios at each of the neighborhood checkpoints, from the John Stanford School to the McDonald School and on down to Gas Works Park in constant communication. We have our Three Days Three Ways provisions up from the basements and we have volunteers going house to house to check on the elderly and infirm,” she said. “So, you know, should any of those things become necessary, like, for instance, if someone at Gas Works wanted something to eat, for example, and they lost their cell phone, for example, so they couldn’t call and order a pizza, you know, that’s what this is for.”

While neighbors have been put off by its shrieks and howls, as well as the reported disappearance of dogs and cats, local merchants have been quick to capitalize on the creature: both Archie McPhee’s and Not a Number have placed orders for “Wallingford Beast” finger puppets and keychains.

“We don’t see this just as a pet devouring fiend,” Wallingford Chamber of Commerce President Colleen Kurke told us, “but as an economic opportunity. Fremont has the Troll, Wallingford has the Beast. We’d love it to become a ‘must-see’ stop for tourists visiting our city.”

“Except those with service animals, obviously,” she added.

Neighbors of the project have already started petitioning for the Beast’s removal, with signs appearing on telephone poles around the neighborhood calling for a community meeting. Within hours, though, the signs had been removed, according to frustrated activists.

“Something ancient and evil has arisen after millenia of sleep, and threatens the Earth and all those who walk on it,” said one community organizer, “and, I just want to get some people together to talk about it. Can’t they just leave my sign up for like a day? It’s a telephone pole, for Pete’s sake.”

“Seriously,” she added.